Usually Christmas is the only time of year that you might hear this phrase, but for the past few years, I have I been using Ebenezer Scrooge’s iconic phrase to describe Valentine’s Day.
Don’t get me wrong I believe in love and all that jazz, but since the dating life has been more down and up over the past few years, I have grown into a true V’Day curmudgeon as I count down the hours until midnight February 15th, (Think of me as a combination of Nick from the “New Girl” with a dash of Dave Chappelle, when he left his show for Africa and you have my usual Valentine’s Day).
I was all set to go into yet another Scrooge-filled Valentine’s Day, when I saw a couple in the mall.
There was an older lady in her 80’s sitting by herself on one of the black wired benches, when a 80 something man in khakis wearing a green plaid shirt shuffled next to her and gave her some popcorn.
As he slowly steadied himself and plopped down in the seat next to her, he gave her a kiss on the cheek. As she continued munch away at the bag of popcorn which seemed increasingly bigger than her, a smile appeared on her face that made her seem more like a 15-year-old girl than woman in her 80’s
This is the essence of Valentine’s Day.
It’s not about the pressure to buy flowers, candy or some elaborate night at an expensive hotel.
It’s about person who is there for you when you are sick and you do the same when you give them your cold.
It’s about going to the game with you, when she has no idea who’s playing.
It’s about going to see chick flick with her, when you rather be playing Madden.
It’s about the couple who embraces each others issues and quirks, yet still has a good time with one another.
Dating back then seemed easier than it is today.
You met. You courted. You got hitched, then you work everything out.
Dating today seems a lot more complicated with too much criteria attached to it.
Do they have a home? What job do they have? How’s their credit score? Are they good in bed? How’s their body? Do they have swag? I don’t want to settle, etc.
Is criteria important when it comes to dating?
Yes, you should have standards and as well be attracted to the person you want to be with, but too often the criteria trumps compatibility and love is almost non-existent.
In many ways, relationships should be equal.
Sure, you might not like the same things all the time and economically, the scale might be different between the two, but there should always be plenty of fun, passion and support between the couple.
Being supportive during the good times and the bad is about as loving you can get and couples without passion and fun are basically roommates sharing the bills.
However, I am not totally blameless either as shyness has been a never-ending thorn in my dating side and in the past, I chose body type as a criteria over mental compatibility, which as first was cool, but rang hollow as the days and months progressed.
I think my curmudgeon feelings on Valentine’s Day had less to do with the heavily market, money making day than the seemingly daunting task of establishing a relationship that makes sense like old couple in the mall.
As I watched the gray-haired gent and his lady shuffle off together holding hands, they reminded me that compatibility does exist.
So this Valentine’s Day, I will try hard not embrace my inner Scrooge.
Instead I will eat a pack of my heart-shaped Little Debbie snack cakes from Wal-Mart, take a swig o f chocolate milk and remind myself that V’Day is actually a really cool day… I just have shuffle a little bit harder to learn the true essence of it next year.
What are you thoughts on dating today?
* Need some songs for Valentine’s Day? Check out my post “The Top 135 Songs for a Valentine’s Day Mixtape” on Soul88.com.